Recap Episode 2 The Kingsroad

Meanwhile, TYRION reminds JOFFREY that he should express his condolences to Lord and Lady Stark for BRAN. Joffrey protests, saying he couldn’t care less about Bran and that his words wouldn’t mean anything, so why should be bother? Tyrion, who only moments before was sleeping next to dogs in a barn yet is still more regal than Joffrey could ever dream, explains that it’s the proper thing to do. Joffrey whines a bit more, so Tyrion bitch slaps him. As Joffrey stomps off, SANDOR CLEGANE (referred to throughout the episode as DOG) cautions Tyrion that Joffrey won’t soon forget the affront. Tyrion shrugs off the warning and heads into the castle to join JAIME and CERSEI for breakfast where he informs them that Bran is expected to live after all. There is a distinct lack of rejoicing at that news. Jamie says he’d rather be dead than crippled like Bran undoubtedly will be, and Tyrion remarks that he hopes Bran does eventually recover consciousness, because he’d be very curious to hear what the boy has to say. Jaime is curious as to why Tyrion would be curious. It becomes pretty obvious that Tyrion knows the truth about Bran’s fall and equally obvious that he’s not going to do anything about it. Not for the moment anyway, because he’s heading off to The Wall, just to see what it’s like. Cersei visits Bran, which is obviously the smart thing to do, and finds CATELYN fretting by his bedside. We learn that Cersei lost her first child, a son, an event that KING ROBERT took especially hard, perhaps because the boy looked just like him. Jaime, meanwhile, wanders outside to find JON SNOW waiting for the blacksmith to finish working on a new sword. Jaime taunts Jon a bit, then thanks him just a bit too profusely for joining the Night’s Watch. This may or may not be our first indication that Jaime is kind of a dick. Speaking of Daenerys, she’s still miserable in the Dothraki camp, staring wistfully at her dragon eggs while Khal Drogo has himself an exuberant hump. I could make a joke about that being a typical marriage, minus the dragon eggs, but it’s really just too easy. So let’s check in on Tyrion instead, who’s amused when two rapists join the crew heading toward The Wall. Criminals are given a choice – face their punishment or join the Night’s Watch. Just the kind of folks you want protecting your northern border from all manner of monsters, right? Jon Snow asks Tyrion why he reads so much, and Tryion explains that it’s the best way he can help his family. If he’d been born a commoner, he’d likely have been left to die, but because he was born a Lannister, things are expected of him. We learn that his father was the Hand of the King – a King that Jaime later killed. Charming family, the Lannisters. Back in Bran’s room, MAESTER LUWIN comes to ask Cat about various house accounts now that the royals are gone, and she treats him like a man who just asked her about bookkeeping while standing over the bed of her unconscious, crippled son. Robb steps in to say he’ll handle it, sends Luwin away, then looks out the window and notices that part of the castle is on fire. He rushes out to deal with it, but Catelyn decides to stay, which mildly annoys the assassin that shows up to stick a knife in Bran. He bounces back pretty quickly, though, and figures he can stick a knife in Catelyn, too, but she’s not really in favor of that idea, and they struggle for a bit until Bran’s direwolf comes leaping into the room. He takes a baby-sized chunk out of the assassin, then settles down on Bran’s bed for a post-mauling nap. Joffrey runs into Sansa at camp and turns on the charm full blast. They go for a walk by the river, where Arya and MICAH, the butcher’s son, are practicing sword fighting with some sticks. Joffrey goes into Princely Prick mode, saying that the boy needs to be punished for attacking his betters, despite the rather obvious fact that it was all Arya’s idea. Arya gets pissed and whacks Joffrey with her playsword, her wolf bites him for good measure, and he ends up on the ground begging for mercy like the little bitch that he is. Sansa, apparently willing to overlook the fact that Joffrey was just acting like a complete jerk, is furious that Arya has ruined everything. Arya sends her wolf away rather than have the Lannisters kill it for attacking Joffrey. Later that evening, Joffrey tells his account of what happened (here’s a shock – he lies to make himself the victim), Arya argues, Fat Bob gets sick of the bickering and writes it off to the fact that kids fight. Not good enough for Cersei, though, who demands that Arya’s wolf be killed. Arya’s wolf isn’t around, but Cersei’s willing to flexible and kill Sansa’s instead. Ned, being the stand up kind of guy that he is, says he’ll do the deed himself, and as he does, Bran wakes up. Whew … this week was a busy one! See you next week, same direwolf time, same direwolf channel.